dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
