Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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