your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
