Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
