that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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