i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
