I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
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I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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