Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
