upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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