I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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