she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
