Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My vagina is officially offended.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
