my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
