I can't watch pbs sober anymore
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
