thus making me awesome and them whores
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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