White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
