i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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