Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Randomize
