ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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