take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
