I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
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The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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