the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
