I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
