lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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