dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
3pm strippers are depressing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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