mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
