3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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