Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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