my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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