JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
