Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
