I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
