Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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