someone owes me an orgasm
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Randomize
