ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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