Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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