My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
