so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
