Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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