im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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