none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.