I'd wear matching sweaters with you
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT