What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.