He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
