Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
