fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
