I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize