Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
