all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Randomize
