My first STD was from a foam party
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
