Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
