kristin has been a bad kristin
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
