my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
