If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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