1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
