My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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