I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
