Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize