Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
