Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
