Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
